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10 ways to have a better conversation | Celeste Headlee

143845 ratings | 6497231 views
When your job hinges on how well you talk to people, you learn a lot about how to have conversations — and that most of us don't converse very well. Celeste Headlee has worked as a radio host for decades, and she knows the ingredients of a great conversation: Honesty, brevity, clarity and a healthy amount of listening. In this insightful talk, she shares 10 useful rules for having better conversations. "Go out, talk to people, listen to people," she says. "And, most importantly, be prepared to be amazed." TEDTalks is a daily video podcast of the best talks and performances from the TED Conference, where the world's leading thinkers and doers give the talk of their lives in 18 minutes (or less). Look for talks on Technology, Entertainment and Design -- plus science, business, global issues, the arts and much more. Find closed captions and translated subtitles in many languages at http://www.ted.com/translate Follow TED news on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/tednews Like TED on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TED Subscribe to our channel: http://www.youtube.com/user/TEDtalksDirector
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Text Comments (2557)
Admiral Beowulf (3 days ago)
Download Discord
Michael Koro (3 days ago)
"Most people don't really listen, they're just waiting for their turn to speak" Marla Singer, Fight Club
LoriWatt (6 days ago)
This was crap!
Polite conversation is very important. So useful speech. Thank you.
Okay Yes (11 days ago)
7:06 or she
Karin Larsen (11 days ago)
Great info, we all need to hear this I'm going to listen again. The biggest block to the truth is the assumption that I have it. We need to open our minds and listen to each other. Let's let the truth surface, and find it.
GuitarMind (13 days ago)
That dude in the crowd must have been payed to laugh that way xD
barry weber (13 days ago)
Great topic. You covered it spot on.
James Mills (13 days ago)
Get her book. It’s awesome.
Djoni Joensen (15 days ago)
I dont understand policy talk
Hana (16 days ago)
True listenning requires a setting aside of oneself😍
Sophia Singh (17 days ago)
bensiagel (17 days ago)
I'm watching everything related to "how to human". It's difficult being awkward
Fluxpistol (17 days ago)
Possibly one of the most valid videos today & only just found it
Szymon Jabłoński (19 days ago)
Your presentation it was a race but I do not know what was purpose. Why the people sometimes like talking too fast ?? Stupid behavior
Jeremy H (19 days ago)
I hear liberals talk and a thousand NPC memes flash before my eyes 🤪
人慈劉 (21 days ago)
Go flow with the conversation. Forget the details. Do not show off. Who,what and how. Listen. Enter the entire and don’t quit at half.
spooky fairy (23 days ago)
Yeah no offense but I'm not about to take advice on how to be better friends with white supremacists and neo Nazis. There's a reason no one wants to hear them out.
Freedom A (23 days ago)
Me: Wow this is pretty cool... *keeps watching videos on YouTube*
Adam U (23 days ago)
be prepared to be amazed !!
saintzeno (24 days ago)
in many ways .. I've found myself poor at conversation. :(
Meteorite 11 (27 days ago)
I sometimes have trouble hearing people idk if its a hearing problem or a listening problem. My friends say sumthing and i just go wha? They say it’s annoying
Daria Hlinianskaya (28 days ago)
I found TED Talk speeches really cognitive! And it's real problems these days: we don't listening to each other! I talk to people that I don't like, I talk to people that I really like and it would be really good to have a good conversation with both. So i found this discuss really interesting to listen. I got that all rules about nice conversation I knew before were false. I tried to learn a lot of gestures which will show person I'm talking to that I'm absolutely interested in conversation. But "There is no reason to show how you paying attention if you are in fact paying attention" what is completely right. So being completely in conversation is main stuff we should to know about it. Thank You for such an amazing speech!
Jared Roussel (29 days ago)
I watched this a few years ago, and to this day, I still remember her saying that listening involves truly listening and forgetting about what you wanted to say. While I still am not perfect at that, it is so true. I am very interested in what others have to say, but I am also very interested in conveying my aligned points of view. However, both REALLY cannot be done at once no matter how hard we try.
ayesha Mateen (30 days ago)
It was a privilege watching this VIDEO. This is really awesome in its full meaning.
David Edmundson (30 days ago)
Harpo Marks was a member of the Algonquin Round Table, along with Robert Benchley, Dorothy Parker, George S. Kaufman, etc. His qualification: "I was the one who listened".
Joiichi Oda (1 month ago)
Vabenee vaabeene (1 month ago)
I'm watching this because of my poor social skills that led me to stop talking to this beautiful looking guy. Now he thinks I'm either weird or mean?
Nath C (1 month ago)
I feel like every time I go on a date and try to listen the other person is reluctant to talk. Maybe my body language is poor? Maybe my question asking skills suck.
Rohit Goswami (1 month ago)
आप लोग कहां हों ......what's the meaning of u
Vijay Deshmukh (1 month ago)
good conversation is like a mini skirt;short enough to retain the interest and long enough to cover the subject.
Seonmi Oh (1 month ago)
Be prepared to be amazed!
very good talk but why does she look as if she's about to cry?
Nick JS (1 month ago)
6:44 "thoughts will come into your mind and you need to let the go out of your mind" Worst advice I've ever heard!
John Malcolm (1 month ago)
I wish I could see a video, secretly taken, of this speaker actually in a conversation.
nitish kumar (1 month ago)
Guy at (3:26) staarted nodding but suddenly realized..its crap!!!
gurren 009 (1 month ago)
This is a really good Ted Talk! I can especially learn from this because I'm an introvert who suffers from social anxiety. I don't really know how to have effective conversations(in person) with other people. I usually just give them a short talk and walk away. I think this Ted Talk will really help me learn how to better communicate with other people.
Adisa Femi (1 month ago)
One of the best 🖒
Thành Đạt Nguyễn (1 month ago)
Maria B Dugarte (1 month ago)
Excelente! Thank you
Fredaunaturel (1 month ago)
Merci aux traductrices (pour les francophones).
2004to2009 (1 month ago)
Love this speaker, I liked her other talk too
Emily Meng (1 month ago)
Great talk. Thank you.
여기는 니뽄ღ (1 month ago)
와 한글 번역이 있다니 넘 감격 ㅠㅠ
orlendatube (1 month ago)
I once struck up a conversation with the cashier at the grocery store, and learned that he had survived being hit by a tractor trailer (as a pedestrian!). That is amazing!
Themellow. (1 month ago)
I think most importantly which she forgot is "Dont force others to talk". It could be understandable if the language they using are English because English speakers often really friendly.
Bob Smithies (1 month ago)
Why would you listen to idiots.
Holdin Morris (1 month ago)
Love to meet the group
Muzeena Rassip (1 month ago)
I can have a good conversations but sometimes I forget a word mid way and just totally become awkward 😣
Romi (1 month ago)
Dear God, I make ALL these mistakes. I’m rubbish at talking to people 😭😭😭😭
Tanjawi Asil (1 month ago)
I read many of these comments and find them very interesting. They clarify some of the points the speaker discussed and expand on them.
Afton Walker (1 month ago)
Hugh Jackman will always be hotter than coffee :)
carli dolphin (1 month ago)
don't forget Dobby day its june 11th don't forget to were your weird socks preferably mismatched
Dr Log (1 month ago)
Sup autistic bruddahs
T C (1 month ago)
Yeah, so....I believe the Civil War was as divided as our nation has ever been. I am so tired of hearing so called "educated" "intelligentsia" say that it's never been this bad. It's sad. Facebook isn't a great example. Facebook is really the movie "Idiocracy" in real life.
Xhuljano shehu (2 months ago)
That was a great Speech!
Himilce Salcedo (2 months ago)
Andrew Buchan (2 months ago)
Such a great talk! :)
Tom Gauthier (2 months ago)
Could you do my favorite voice, Sylvia Poggioli?
Forever Young (2 months ago)
What I took away from this is someone needs to learn to control the volume of their laugh.... Why is the seagull from family guy in the audience just AHAHAHAHAHAHAH?
Ela (2 months ago)
Loved it!
Rooza Tuladhar (2 months ago)
Thank you so much for this amazing ted talk video . I have learned so many this from this video. ❤️
Marife Fariola (2 months ago)
Very timely. Thank you so much!
Sabine Wilson (2 months ago)
This crowd was full of laughter.
Larry Hay (2 months ago)
Celeste's talk has changed my life! I am a full time investigator and her excellent insights into the human interaction that occurs during a conversation has had an incredible impact in every aspect of my life...EVERYONE is an expert in something-even if it's only themselves...!
Infidel Dave (2 months ago)
"Frankly people don't care about the years, the names, the dates all those details your struggling to come up with in your mind...they don't care, what they care about is you." That really resonated with me, I have to rememberer next time when I'm doing exactly that.
Gabriel Trentin (2 months ago)
Some of those points reminds me of a song: "Tim minchin - The fence"
David Anthony (2 months ago)
I like being half in with an option to get out, along with the option to be all in. Is that OK?
das van (2 months ago)
paleobc65 (2 months ago)
7:46 maybe this only happened when i was depressed but i actually love it when people try to related their experience with mine it helps me realize that i'm not alone in my struggles
Kerry Stephens (2 months ago)
WOW! Well done Celeste. I 'listened' to every word and loved it all.
Strong Wet Fart (2 months ago)
Frank Wall (2 months ago)
I'd marry her
Very interesting and delightfully presented. Important information for public consumption and so true and to the point. I just wish she could tell everyone around me. Thanks again for a delightful delivery of your presentation.
WOLF (2 months ago)
she is indeed BEAUTIFUL.
GQQNER RENQQG (2 months ago)
So called technology is getting your message across to millions around the world.
Woo Gengar (2 months ago)
Melinda R (2 months ago)
"There is no reason to show you are paying attention if you are, in fact, paying attention."
Adam Mortimer (2 months ago)
Great tips!
Saint Louis Drum Lessons (2 months ago)
I'm not good at keep the flow going. However, I found a statement that helps a lot when someone is in need of someone else to talk to, you don't know what to say or you don't have any advice: "Tell me more." People light up with just those three words and they'll love you for it.
oso fine (2 months ago)
Loved this, but I disagree that some of those old tools – specifically, eye contact, nodding, and repeat back – should be tossed out. In addition to not listening, we’ve become accustomed to others not listening to us and we need that feedback. Hopefully, if you are listening, the other person will know but it can help a lot to give them proof. Trying to show people that you hear them can even help you listen. When I was younger, I had a terrible habit of raising my voice at the end of a statement as if it were a question? And ending statements with the phrase, “y’know?” I ended those habits when I realized that I did them because I felt that I wasn’t being listened to. I was less apt to do those things if people were giving me non-verbal cues and repeating back parts of what I said. Now I have a 13 year old who I am trying to teach how to listen and have a conversation (I sent her a link to this video). I worry that she’s going to have problems out there in the world when conversing with people who don’t love her unconditionally like I do, and aren’t as fascinated by everything on her mind (and believe me, she can bore me!) as I am. First steps: eye contact, nodding, and repeating back. At least if you’re trying to do those things, you’re more apt to actually listen as well!
Brian Kagimu (2 months ago)
This is a beautiful talk, thank you
Hasifah Sapuan (2 months ago)
Dont have to follow every things she says.
Doug Bower (2 months ago)
People walk away from me on 2 grounds: a). When I have something to say; and b). When I listen. People don't walk away on 1 ground: it is what the late psychologist Carl Rogers called "psychological contact." Others call it "rapport" and still others call it "chemistry." In some cases it might be said, "it was like we have known each other our whole lives." Some people, like this speaker, can do this with a lot of people, in this some 6 million on Youtube. Call it what you may, but conversation that matches sitting on the front porch with your best friend kind of stuff, is hard from some of us mere mortals to come by, no matter who many books and speeches we attend.
Beatriz B. Guasch (2 months ago)
Shame on you for laughing at the people who questions vaccines and making them a joke. Why don't you check the case of dengvaxia.
Joanna Botmang (2 months ago)
JoeNoshow27 (2 months ago)
She gives some good advice, especially the listening part. But her conclusion didn't really resonate with me because it sounded like an iteration of "get gud", only in the context of conversations. "Be like me, (I'm a great conversationalist), listen and be interested." We're not you. And we will never be you. All we can do is work with what emotions we have available to us. Just rubs me the wrong way when people assume, "If I can do it, you can do it too." That's an assumption, not a fact.
Ria Mendoza (2 months ago)
This is awesome! Really talented speaker 🙌👏
Duaa T.Mohammad (2 months ago)
I enjoyed this talk so much.
Sino Jas (2 months ago)
Her body language is weighted down with insincerity. Not going to bother listening
Darwin Borge (2 months ago)
I have problems responding back and eye contacts
Matthew Schwer (2 months ago)
Unfortunately it isn't. I have no choice but to listen and you have no choice but to lie
Misturada MENTE (2 months ago)
Ótimo, parabéns !
Somnath Biradar (2 months ago)
one of my favorite ted talk I listened with 100 percent interest and I learn a lot from this.
Nicole Wolo (2 months ago)
This is my favorite TED Talk
Vesna Podrug (2 months ago)
Thank you. Thus were really good ones.
Astha Inoue (2 months ago)
'Just 2 people shouting out barely related sentences in the same place' got me off guard lol
Tukaram Ugile (3 months ago)
Very Good Training
Condre Koepfgen (3 months ago)
very helpful information. Everyone needs to learn how to have better conversations with others. I will watch it again.
The suffering Xcx (3 months ago)
Why she isn’t our president again?
morgan freeman (3 months ago)
me: hi how are you nice people: good what about you me: yes

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