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10 ways to have a better conversation | Celeste Headlee

130971 ratings | 5949146 views
When your job hinges on how well you talk to people, you learn a lot about how to have conversations — and that most of us don't converse very well. Celeste Headlee has worked as a radio host for decades, and she knows the ingredients of a great conversation: Honesty, brevity, clarity and a healthy amount of listening. In this insightful talk, she shares 10 useful rules for having better conversations. "Go out, talk to people, listen to people," she says. "And, most importantly, be prepared to be amazed." TEDTalks is a daily video podcast of the best talks and performances from the TED Conference, where the world's leading thinkers and doers give the talk of their lives in 18 minutes (or less). Look for talks on Technology, Entertainment and Design -- plus science, business, global issues, the arts and much more. Find closed captions and translated subtitles in many languages at http://www.ted.com/translate Follow TED news on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/tednews Like TED on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TED Subscribe to our channel: http://www.youtube.com/user/TEDtalksDirector
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Text Comments (2402)
morgan freeman (1 day ago)
me: hi how are you nice people: good what about you me: yes
Pixar Filmz (1 day ago)
not even hello but nice
Ampwich (1 day ago)
But my whole thing is....if I dont relate myself to their situation, what do I say, then? I cant think of anything
Ampwich (1 day ago)
what about those of us with destractive brains that cant focusunless eyes are focused on something else?
Philip Buckley (3 days ago)
too much drama.....
Firstly I thought her to be America Ferrera from Ugly Betty/ The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants/The Dry Land.
Vanollo Venturi (3 days ago)
One of the best Ted talk
Rustin Stardust (5 days ago)
Definitely one of the better TED Talks. I'm glad I watched this!
Orlando Cruz Lopez (6 days ago)
Reincarnation (6 days ago)
don't put words in the other person's mouth - at 6:15
Welp, I've still got crippling social anxiety. But at least now I know how to conduct a conversation like a talk show host.
Lauren Van Bever (6 days ago)
This woman warms my heart. :)
OriginalTharios (7 days ago)
I'm done talking to the cancerously stupid monkeys on this worthless boulder.
Danisa Gladys (7 days ago)
Celeste, you are one of my heroes. Thanks for your words.
Nadira Alanamaya (8 days ago)
hal jordan (8 days ago)
"there is no reason to learn how to show that you are paying attention if you are in fact... paying attention"
Justine Cruz (8 days ago)
amazing <3
Emma - (9 days ago)
1. Don't multitask. (4:27) 2. Don't pontificate. (4:50)  3. Use open ended questions. (6:02) 4. Go with the flow. (6:39) 5. If you don't know, say that you don't know. (7:26) 6. Don't equate your experience with their. (7:46)  7. Try not to repeat yourself. (8:26) 8. Stay out of the wits. (8:46) 9. Listen. (9:08) 10. Be brief. (10:29) -Omar Olivares
Andrew T (9 days ago)
Wow I love this so much. I subconsciously do some of these rules a lot and can be a great listener but boy do I need some work.
Yasper Gockel (10 days ago)
Awesome talk.
Kevin Fuk (10 days ago)
Deep conversation=appropriate Small talk=inappropriate
German De Anda (11 days ago)
Hung Vu (12 days ago)
I was surprised about this video
Claude Maximus (12 days ago)
All Americans love to Monopolize any conversation
QUE BARULHO É ESSE? (12 days ago)
very good! #QUEbarulhoÉesse
vxenon67 (13 days ago)
I use to talk a lot as a kid. Now I'm mostly quiet.
NocturnalAnimal (13 days ago)
this was powerful and awesome, great job (:
Dallas Sukerkin (13 days ago)
Very interesting and engaging talk ... and proof that actual confidence (not to be confused with a groundless sense of self worth) is very attractive :).
مر يم (13 days ago)
One of my favourite tedx talks
Kyra Gaunt, Ph.D. (14 days ago)
A rare great TEDx or TED talk that keeps giving on repeat.
Leonidas (14 days ago)
Ya, brush your teeth 🦷
The koLoneL (14 days ago)
I had a conversation with someone believes Jesus is god's son. I couldn't argue he is my boss😅
Lexi Lanai (14 days ago)
so..when was it not right to choose your friends and your spouse based on what "you believe"???? Off the bat Celeste would not have a calm conversation with me. If I am a Christian, would I marry a satanist???? I don't know any Christian who would! I don't know any satanist who would marry a Christian - sister Mary...we gravitate towards people with like beliefs, and realizing that we "live" in a world with people who have polarizing beliefs - I don't have to friend them or marry them to be civil and live/work with them. She's saying we have to compromise??? Why do we have to "compromise" our values and what we believe just to have a conversation??? If this is a "you better tolerate me or else" videos like it's sounding in the first minute and a half - I'm outta!
An M4A1 (14 days ago)
This comment section is so wholesome it makes me wanna go donate to a charity
Cal160 (14 days ago)
Introverts prefer listening to talking.
Nicole Marmol (15 days ago)
What does she mean by "don't repeat yourself?" Does anyone know or have an example?
ThatOneGuy 1206 (15 days ago)
I barely even text at all lol I don't like it
jobje Rabbeljee (16 days ago)
Do I answer my own questions? Naah...
jobje Rabbeljee (16 days ago)
Here's 2w0 cents 4ur 3¥€L!dz 🦊
Chase Cassius (16 days ago)
That moment when you're listening and scrolling down in the comments, oof.
the therorist (17 days ago)
talking and listening were fairy tales of kings and queens......has it worked yet?
Haya Kasmi El Morabit (17 days ago)
Amazing one!!! I loved it
Evelyne Rouquet (17 days ago)
Wow, great talk, I adored it :)
Mahsaa Bidbid (17 days ago)
That was really good
Chance Miller (20 days ago)
Thank you so much, ma'am...I love you and your insights. Chance Rodeo Battlehawk On Facebook.
Optimistic Whovian (20 days ago)
Most women need to take notice of this, as far as I'm concerned women are no better at doing more than one thing at a time than men they just WANT to do more than one thing at a time but that means they still neglect more than one thing at a time and its rude if theyre on social media conversing so please ladies have the respect to pay proper attention when youre in conversation on media as you would in person.
Jesus Loves (22 days ago)
Potato Pie (23 days ago)
Seriously didnt you hear the first rule?? DONT MULTITASK LISTEN WITHOUT READING THE COMMENTS
John Ventura (23 days ago)
When people do start to listen to others, they should try to avoid DISTRACTIONS such as using their phones and/or having random thoughts & avoid INTERRUPTIONS unless its necessary because it just annoys me when others would do both of these when I am talking to them.
Arv L (24 days ago)
What would an introvert do...
alicemay35 (24 days ago)
Really thought this would be interesting but a middle aged person immediately starting off a talk about the reasons why we're having bad conversations by blaming the young using technology is getting really boring. Personally found myself without anyone around me who I connected with even after trying all the things she later suggests and it was only through technology and using it FOR better conversations and connections and learning about people other than those around me or in my bubble - that I became more aware, open and toleratnt of different people.
Cammie Hong (24 days ago)
I had a question, what if I can be the person like that, but my friend doesn't, I don't feel being care in the conversation or being listened by my friends. and every time our conversation just doesn't make me feel being understood, and the truth is I cannot ask everybody to be a good listener, am I just have to give up the friend?
das van (16 days ago)
Cammie Hong Yes. Our friends are a reflection of you. Though understand that this is the goal after which you have known a person. You have put effort into tolerating their habits, but have not seen change, nor have they themselves tried being open-minded to you. You are wasting your time with this person that you speak of.
but i want ayoung gril of virgin.
this gril is Comedian so that good aperson.
Newell bate (25 days ago)
Great advice. Great lecture.
shemini850 (25 days ago)
Okay, I send like 3 texts a day.
Lily Pham (25 days ago)
Thank you! <3
Robert Newkirk (25 days ago)
Steyreon (26 days ago)
Together you know more than you know alone.
It was a great video
Niranjan Prakash (28 days ago)
Thank you for this video, very helpful
Kate Blank (28 days ago)
I'm glad other users have summarized, because I turned it off after the third meaningless and unsupported statistic. If you want people to listen to what others say, others have to say something meaningful.
Nermien kh (29 days ago)
Cortez A.B. (30 days ago)
1:46 😮 I text maybe once a couple days normally.
Cito Bop (1 month ago)
I want a relationship to be a give and take, not me doing all the giving all the time and learning about someone else. This is fine at first but they need to show interest in me for a change.
Laurie Jean (1 month ago)
Actually there are lots of people with disabilities that make them seem like they're not paying attention when they are, and for these many people learning how to show you're paying attention is crucial.
YourNickIsTaken (1 month ago)
It's no about you. - best!
只吃面不喝汤 (1 month ago)
Tùng Dương Nguyễn (1 month ago)
I love this video <3
Linda Mazur (1 month ago)
I'm not a Gabby person ., So I loose intrest real quick when talking to a person if I notice they are not listening to me , they are just waiting to speak . Also very distracting - a thing that some women do ( never had a guy do this yet anyway ) as I'm speaking to someone and looking at them and they are moving their mouths (as if they are mirroring me ) sometimes not even silently , what in the world is that about ?
Luxus Häuser (1 month ago)
Would be nice to meet people who can process 500 words per minute listening.
Jasmine Kennedy (1 month ago)
ok i really liked this talk, but I also have to recognize she looks exactly like the chaperone from the lizzy maguire movie lmao
George Abdo (1 month ago)
Well, to be perfectly honest, in my humble opinion, of course without offending anyone who thinks differently from my point of view, but also by looking into this matter in a different perspective and without being condemning of one's view's and by trying to make it objectified, and by considering each and every one's valid opinion, I honestly believe that I completely forgot what I was going to say. 🤔
Victor Nguyen (1 month ago)
I have that one friend who always cuts me off mid-sentence because I am a slow speaker (English is my second language). Most of the time I find that really annoying and every time I'm like "Will you ever even let me finish my sentence?"
HND PROSPEROUS (1 month ago)
RULE 1: DON'T MILTITASK. I was watching another video on my phone while watching as well.
Allan Alberts (1 month ago)
The whole talking on the fly doesnt really work for me. If i did that in every conversation, it wouldnt be a nice conversation.
SUSEAN MORROW (1 month ago)
Love the message and I’m amazed at what I learnt from YOU... Thank You 🙏 You are the change You want to see in the World 🌍
7saany (1 month ago)
Great advice. Can I just say... I don't know what your circumstances on this day may have been but I would have loved to have done your hair for this talk.
Timothée Tosti (1 month ago)
Thanks ! Very nice talk !
Davinder Kaur (1 month ago)
Yupp we shouldn’t be a multitasker because sometimes we stuck in between whole works and couldn’t complete one of them atleast. If we are not good multitasker then dont go for it guys . Rather than that focus on single task and u can give ur good . Then go for other task .
Idris Abdullah (1 month ago)
"We are more divided than we ever have been in history". Boy do I have news for you
Brock Flores (1 month ago)
So good
Mike O'. (1 month ago)
YouTube is feeding me re-runs of old content. This was worth watching again, however.
Francisco Gramajo (1 month ago)
"we are more polarized, we are move divided than we ever have been in history" Yeah, what about the civil war? WWII?
Sam Adamsen (1 month ago)
10 very good observations, HalleluJaH. Shalom
Genius Mind (1 month ago)
For valuable video https://youtu.be/0HhUJ7-Yerc
Lucas Van (1 month ago)
I didnt talk to anybody in 4 years of high school........
Kale Andrie (1 month ago)
TED: alright so we’re going to mic you really close to your mouth TED talkers:*heavy breathing*
Lyle W (1 month ago)
So arrogant and condescending as she scolds others for not listening enough.
Shabbir Umrethwala (1 month ago)
Thank you... A very nice speech, alot of things to be learnt from your video. Please do keep up the good work...
yip ann (1 month ago)
Yea everyone gonna be listener and he world will be in silence
Shannon Sharma (1 month ago)
I am so excited to apply what I’ve just learned . I would always say, “ I just love people!” But in reality , I haven’t. I have not been a good listener . I can now truly love people by showing interest in what they are saying and forget about any distractions that may come in my mind. Thank you for this! May God bless you as you help other people love people the way they should!
Fang Yu Teng (1 month ago)
I can't tell how tremendous does this speech influences and moves me, it's just so great and i love it!!!!!
bram duprez (1 month ago)
you're fat and not worthy conversing with my insane brainmagiq
bram duprez (1 month ago)
select head; eel: tense waves tool heaven conge versus satiationweagreebotgod
Pastel Ribon (1 month ago)
You want everyone to love conversating with them? Very simple, talk about them for like 98% and about 2% of yourself. That's how humans work. Self centered by nature.
jannatul shova (1 month ago)
Amicable presentation she delivered.Love it.
Jsh (1 month ago)
Very helpful. Thank you:)
warm and fuzzy (1 month ago)
I was just amazed... Plus, I just found out I have been doing it all wrong. From now on, mums the word.

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